Don't Stop Now
by whollistic8and8hopeless
Summary: series of oneshots, begins with Edward leaving Bella in a more dramatic and tragic way. in the 2nd chapter, both of them are torturing themselves everyday they are not together. will edward return? songs: Don't Stop Now & Been Too Long both by Emmy Rossum
1. Don't Stop Now

Hi all! I have never written anything for Twilight so here it is. I hope I got the characterizations right. This songfic is set right after Twilight, when New Moon begins. I wrote Edward leaving in a more dramatic, epically tragic way.

I really hope this interests you and if worthy, please leave me a review :) flame it if you must, I just need to know your opinion…

It's better if you have the song Don't Stop Now by Emmy Rossum playing in your background because it sets the mood. If you don't have it (most likely) feel free to PM so that I can send it to you…my apologies if I don't send it right after you email…time zones suck.

Ok enough chat.

disclaim, disclaim, disclaim...

_This darkened street you go to hide.  
Illuminates you are not mine.  
These tears run cold, my body numb.  
I am not whole, what have you done._

* * *

Bella

**Follow you close four steps behind.  
Part of me knew all of this time.**

_Edward? Can you hear me? Because I can't hear what you're telling me right now. I'm busy trying to figure out why you're leaving me. I've always imagined this night would come, when you would finally tell me that you would leave. That you would leave to presumably save my life. But you are my life now, Edward and I just didn't think it would hurt this much. Edward, it hurts. Edward, make it stop. No! I can't hear what you're saying…_

"I have to leave." The words sounded so sure coming from Edward's perfect mouth, his golden eyes slowly turned into a dark ember. He continued talking regardless if Bella was listening or not; he needed to say it and get it out of his system, "I'm not going to endanger you're life any longer. You are not safe around me and I will not risk anything to keep you, Bella." He looked at Bella with a pleading, almost fragile stare, begging for her to listen.

Charlie was sleeping soundly as usual across the small hall of Bella's home, oblivious to all of Edward's secret rendezvous in his daughter's room. Every night was always the same except tonight; Edward would watch Bella do her homework—sometimes tutor her—they would either talk or make out on her bed until Bella would get tired, and then she'd fall asleep—only to meet him again in her dreams. But this night was different.

"I don't understand," whispered Bella, finally able to utter something after what seemed like centuries.

Edward stared down at the floor.

Edward

**Pushed it down deep, kept it so small.  
To help me keep these fragile walls,  
From crashing down around my feet.**

_Why can't you just cry and get over it? Don't look at me like that with your beautiful, glimmering, brown eyes, Bella! I don't have the strength to be away from you, and you're making me saving you much, much harder! All my vampire life, I've acted and played my human role. Why does acting in front of you now strip me of my power to leave you to preserve your precious life? I will not cower from what must be done. I love you, my dear Bella; I need to you understand my decision. A lion cannot fall in love with a lamb…_

Bella kneeled atop the edge of her bed so that she was inches away from Edward's face. She took his ice cold face in her hands and kissed him full on the lips. She was trying to evoke mutual feelings from the kiss, rubbing her soft tongue against his cold and hard lips, but Edward pushed her away, leaving her stumbling on the bed; wild pain in her eyes.

"I cannot stay, Bella!" The thought of physically hurting Bella almost drove Edward insane, "can't you understand that the more I stay here with you, the more I invite threats into your home?" Edward was practically shouting now, making sure that each word would burn in Bella's mind. Only then would she understand the gravity of the situation.

"I'm not worried about Charlie; he can take care of himself!" Bella defiantly said despite understanding the real meaning of his words.

Edward growled and paced around the small room. While Bella's eyes followed his movements, she could already feel the space between them and the pain in her chest as it grew.

Edward stopped pacing and looked at her vehemently. His face shook with both anger and remorse for hurting the love of his existence. He hoped that with his dark stare, the monster inside of him would reveal itself enough to scare her into her senses. A low growl escaped his chest and the pain scratched into Bella's face even more.

"But I love you," Bella whispered as if reading his mind, her voice breaking at the end. Tears finally seeped from her eyes and her whole body shook and shivered.

Edward remained motionless; his face of stone finally crumbling.

Edward

**Don't make a sound, just let you be.  
Lost in her face, can't turn away.**

**This final blow helps me let go.**

_No, don't cry. If I could just hold you in my arms, and keep you with me forever I would! But that would be selfish of me and I will not take your life away so that I can have my way. You are more precious than that. You are the most important person in my existence and I cannot steal you away._

_Please Bella, rejecting your kiss was enough pain for me. I cannot bear to see you be punished like this because of my stupid actions. Your scent alone is enough to make me eternally bound to you. How much more can my love for you make me feel? But this is it. This is the only way for you to be safe, my Bella. I need to hurt you. I need to hurt myself. It's the only way you'll ever really learn to let me go. You will learn to love others, Bella. You will learn to forget me…_

"I _cannot_ love you back Bella," the words seared Edward's throat more than inhaling Bella's scent would. He clenched his fists tight enough to make him bleed if he could.

"Oh God," Bella croaked through hyperventilated gasps, clutching her chest. She closed her eyes and wished this moment to be but a terrible dream but lost hope when she opened her eyes and saw Edward standing in front of her. His eyes turned stone-cold black and his face paled even more in the soft moonlight bleaching the room through the window.

Bella

**Don't stop now, I need this to hurt.  
Burn it into my mind.  
No more second guessing anymore.  
This is how it ends.**

_So this is it. This is how you hurt me to save me. Yes, convince me and let the images of your back turning to leave me rip through my mind and smolder the very soul that exists for you. Save me and don't turn your fucking back, Edward! The only problem is that I am hopelessly in love with you! God damn it, Edward how could you dazzle me with everything that you are and then leave me to cripple under the weight of my love for you? Hurt me, you vile, handsome, wretched snake! Hurt me!_

Shocking them both, Bella lurched forward from her bed and slammed her fists into his marble chest, hoping to mar his perfect physique. They both knew that it was a lost cause, but Edward let her do it anyway.

"Damn you! Fuck you, vampire!" in between fist-crunching pounds, Bella cursed Edward and let the hot tears flood her face and neck, not caring if Charlie woke up or if anybody would hear her condemning her bittersweet love to eternal damnation. "Bella," Edward whispered, looking at her with tired and aged eyes. He attempted to soothe her by saying her name like a lullaby again to stop her from hitting him before she did any real damage to herself.

Bella turned her attention from his chest to slapping his face to keep him from trying to appease her. He needed to hurt her, so why was he wasting his time acting like she _shouldn't_ be hurt?

"Shut up, shut up!" She continually screamed, crying louder and succumbing to the sobs that racked her chest painfully—worsening the pain in her heart.

Edward

**So don't stop now, get my head on straight.  
And if seeing this is what it takes,  
please don't stop it now.  
This will be the last time.**

_Ah, don't stop hurting me, Bella. You know this is the only way. I know this is the only way. After this, you won't have to feel any pain anymore. It will all be over soon. I'm straining myself to keep you. I'm killing myself to leave you. Don't stop it now._

After staring long and hard at the human girl shuddering and sobbing on the bed, Edward closed his eyes and turned to the window where he would leap out of and never come back. He inhaled deeply, savoring each flame that licked at his throat commanding the monster in him to lunge forward and sink its teeth into the soft and pulsing neck of its prey.

Edward whispered low and fast enough so that only he could hear it ring in the silence of Bella's dark room. "I love you Bella. The stars could not take me away from you even if they tried because my heart will always be with you. My _soul_ will always be with you."

Edward hesitated to kiss her one last time but was shocked when he saw that Bella could almost pass for a vampire, unmoving and pale white as she was—she almost scared him. Only a tell tale human element set her apart—the beating heart in her chest that Edward was uncannily attuned to. But instead, he moved two steps to the window and finally disappeared into the darkness where he belonged.

Bella

**It all makes sense, the disconnect.  
Too many words we left unsaid.  
But still I stare frozen here.  
Until the curtains close.**

_Oh. No, I take it all back, Edward! Come back to me and stop the hurt. I don't mean anything I said! I'm stupid and you're stupid; this has to work! How could you leave without me telling you I loved you? You bastard, you didn't give me a chance to say goodbye! But I can't move; I think I'm paralyzed. You've paralyzed me, Edward. Now I'll never be able to move on and accept the fact that you are gone and will never return. The hole in my chest is closed off to you now. I'm closed off to everything._

Bella whimpered in pain as the connection of their love was strained and pulled as Edward ran deeper into the darkness. She clutched her bed sheets for support and cried out loud. She watched the curtains of her bedroom window as they swayed softly in the midnight breeze, hoping that Edward would reappear with his beautiful, crooked smile.

Bella heard thumping footsteps across the hall and realized that she had woken Charlie up because of her screaming. Somehow she didn't care but lied back down on her side, her back facing the door.

Bella

**I need to see this through until this final bow.  
Illusions gone, the show is done.  
So don't stop now.**

_You couldn't have taken more from me, Edward. I need to speak but you've taken away my ability to breathe. I need to blink but you've taken away the sight of the world, leaving me in darkness. I need to cry but you've drained me of everything I am. The game is over and the lion has killed the lamb. The show is over so take a bow. Do I want to know where you are? No. Do I believe that you will return? No. Do I still love you? Yes. Oh, yes._

"Bella? You okay, Bells? Heard you screamin' so I came by to uh, check on you." Bella could imagine her father squinted in the darkness, searching for her in the blankets. She saw his shadow on her bedroom wall and bit her lip to keep from crying some more.

"Bad dream, Dad." Bella tried her best to compose her voice enough to convince him to go back to his room. It seemed enough and Charlie reluctantly pulled away and closed the door behind him, softly.

"And it won't go away."

Edward

**Follow you close four steps behind.  
Part of me knew you are not mine.**

_Fuck, it hurts! My family was right; I should never have meddled with a human. Bella and I cannot be together. We were not meant to be together. But Goddamn, Lord, hell why does it hurt like this if it is so? Bella, if you are in pain now, I'm there with you—encased in a tomb with earth pressing to me cutting me off from a will to survive. But I need you to survive, my Bella. I need you to continue living. Don't stop now._


	2. Been Too Long

So I've decided to make this into a short series of one-shots….just a little outlet for my writer's block. Ok, ok so I'm just procrastinating. But hey, in this world, it's ok to procrastinate. Like I'm doing right now. I give credit to the wonderful members of who gave me insightful comments about this song and what they think is its real meaning. And thanks to Paramore and Enchanted for a couple borrowed lines :)

oh and if you would want the music, just email me or PM :D

Disclaim, disclaim, disclaim…

* * *

**September, the leaves were falling red and gold  
And I remember the way you pulled me closer  
Nothing else existed in the world we lived in  
Hidden, we didn't see the storm was coming closer**

Bella

_September. The best month of my life because it was the first and last month I shared with you. My life was yours and yours, mine. People looked at us as if we could not exist. But we did, didn't we? Had it been only a month? I felt like I'd known you forever, stranger. It has only been so long since I did fall in love with you. An empty hole. That is what I am now. Just a hole where I can live and drift along in the world unsuspectingly so that I won't hurt any longer. _

Dying would be better than living this shameful existence. Day after day, Bella conceded into doing the same thing, falling into routine with everybody else but something was missing in her life. Yes, something was missing the day that Charlie announced Dr. Carlisle's imminent disappearance for a job better paid for.

And now, with Bella's homework finished and stacked on her desk for the next day, she had nothing to do but wait until night fell in Forks and she crawled into the hole in her chest that constantly and incessantly burned. Tears would fall but they would not douse the flames licking at her blackened heart. Screams would rip and tear her throat but they would not drown out the voice that Bella tried so hard to bury.

"_I love you Bella. The stars could not take me away from you even if they tried because my heart will always be with you. My soul will always be with you."_

She screamed louder.

Edward

_What I wouldn't give to have you lying in my arms again, Bella. The way you touched me made me feel like no one else would ever be able to experience such a kiss like yours. In this world of vampires and mythical creatures, only you and I existed in our love for each other. I was ignorant and oblivious of my imposition of danger on you until that moment that you sliced your finger on that fated night. You sliced a hole in my chest, Bella. But being the meticulous Cullen that I am—or was—I could not jeopardize you _or_ my family any longer. I had to sacrifice my love for you to be safe, from me. I am the storm, the raging storm._

Hunting did nothing for Edward anymore. Even the grizzliest of any bear could not attempt to hurt him as much as he was hurting now. Being away from Bella only darkened each passing day even more. There were no colors in the world and certainly no face that would ever come close to the angelic beautification of Bella. Edward felt as if she truly was made for him to match, to become his soul mate.

His family, however supportive and loving they were, could not begin to understand how to help Edward. Emmett continued to take him hunting in the vast forests of New Hampshire, but wild animals was not a game to him anymore; Esme continued to tenderly care for him and be as much of a mother as Elizabeth Masen was, but no amount of love would compensate for the missing love in Edward's life; Jasper continued to send waves of calming and soothing emotions to his brother, but they would soon disappear as soon as he drifted out of the room; Alice continued to watch Bella and reassured him that she was safe, but it didn't mean that she wasn't hurting.

Only Carlisle seemed to truly understand Edward's situation. He was ever the loving father and strong leader for Edward when he felt like he was breaking down.

"The_ time will come when your wounds will heal. It heals all wounds, son. This is for the best. Remember that." _

Carlisle spoke to Edward through his mind but Edward could only look at him with an expression so forlorn, he could just die of sadness.

**That was then  
But the time has come and gone  
Nothing left but a broken story  
We can't change, can't erase  
Nothing that we can say now  
Can't get back what we gave up  
That was then, this is now  
It's been too long**

Bella

_But as black and evil as the night, our true beings forced us apart and that is why you left, isn't it? You know that I am going crazy without you, right? You aren't coming back to me anymore, aren't you? You knew that a lion could not fall in love with a lamb but I was stubborn to force two polarized magnets together. So it's my fault, again? Because I am human? It is my fault?_

_I should never have loved you._

All that ever filled Bella's mind were questions. Questions that reaped no answer for her to comprehend because she was too busy fighting the pain that continually racked her body at every blink, at every breath.

"Bells, tell me what is going on. I've never seen you act this way! You aren't acting like _anything _at all! If you don't tell me why you're so, so _empty_ after all these months, so help me, I am sending you right home to Renee!"

Bella looked up from eating her cereal and stared at Charlie knowing that everything he said was true despite the pain it caused her. She was so blinded by her own aching chest that she failed to see that she was affecting others.

But if there was anything she would do to keep herself as close to the memory of her lost love, then she would stay here in Forks, where the magic of their love had happened—and disappeared.

"Dad, I'm not going back to Phoenix."

"That's for me to decide, young lady."

She couldn't have this conversation with her father any longer. She would burst into tears before he said anything else that would just aggravate the seared hole in her chest, and she knew how Charlie was about tears. So she quickly stood up from the table and threw her bowl and spoon into the sink with a clash.

Charlie said something about her lack of maturity but Bella could care less. Stumbling up to her room with eyes blinded with tears was enough of a task for Bella as keeping her body intact. As soon as her bedroom door was closed shut she let it explode.

Edward

_But I was selfish and foolish not to kill you when I had the chance. At least death would be better than having to die every day that I am not with you. You don't know how long I'd waited for you, only to have you slip away from me. I am so sorry to be a vampire. There is nothing in the world I can do for you except make sure that you stay alive for me. Yes, I am a selfish bastard._

_We both knew that we couldn't last, didn't we? Ah, Bella, you should _never_ have fallen in love with a monster._

"Bro, if this human is making you look so...dopey, then why don't you just go back and either kill her or make up already? Eddie, I'm tired of seeing you mope around like this, man. Talk to me."

Leave it to Emmett to have such a straight forward way of thinking, almost childlike. But if there was one brother who cared for Edward a lot, it would be Emmett. Edward hating seeing his family getting hurt like this but he was too intent on ruining his life to make anyone feel better for him. How long has it been since Edward first began to wallow in self-hate? It's only been too long but Emmett's words do not—_cannot—_apply.

Twilight—the darkest part of the day—began to set in the forests of New Hampshire and the overgrown trees covered with moss towered over Edward and provided a small sanctuary, if not a prison. The large branches and leaves overhead blocked the clouds, the setting sun, and the invisible gates that promised salvation for those who had a soul. Edward believed he had no soul now, he'd left it with her and if he came back to retrieve it, how would he know if Bella would take him back after all that he had done to the poor girl?

The forest mocked him in silence as the woodland creatures scurried into their safe homes. Edward slumped onto a tree trunk that had fallen some years ago and now provided him a place to sit and cry. Could vampires cry? Edward saw Esme cry plenty of times because of various reasons that only a mother would ever give a shit for. Edward heaved his chest and let guttural sounds of lament escape his throat as he attempted to cry. Nothing. It was probably for the best; why would he, a monster in all possible ways, be granted a way to channel out his grief?

"I am a monster!" Edward cried out into the dark forest but not even an echo greeted him, just the startled flurry of birds that flapped their wings out of fright.

In the night of the forest, no one could hear him scream.

**December, when we were  
Drifting like the falling snow  
Around us but then a winter's chill blew through your heart  
Mistakes we made didn't know what they'd change  
The silence, was so hard  
But I am stronger for it**

Bella

_You know he left you Bella, it is over. With each passing day he fades more and more from my weakening heart. Of the pain in my heart, not even his lingering face grants me bequest—amnesty, even. Isn't time I moved on? Why am I holding on to such a memory? My God, did he even exist? Was it all just a ruthless dream set to ruin my entire being with a flash of a crooked smile? _

_My heart is so cold now. I face the faceless days with no more warmth left in me. OK, so it was a mistake to love him so much because look at yourself, Bella! You aren't _you _anymore. You are so destroyed. And now that everything, everybody is quiet for you, no longer pestering you to feel better, can you? No one is bothering me anymore, so it must be time to get a hold of myself. At least get through the day without having to clutch my chest as my rabid heart throbs endlessly. I'm stronger for it. My heart. My love._

Bella woke up from the same nightmare that haunted her sleep every single night. A sheen coat of sweat dampened her hair and face but it was enough. She had had enough of the pain. She curled into a fetal position in her bed and let the last of the very last jolts of pain rack her body until they slowly passed.

She finally opened her eyes and for the first time in months, she saw the morning sun—however covered by the winter clouds—and reveled in its beauty. She stared at the sun until its rays began to seep through her window and deftly caress her fingers, arms, neck, and face. She stood up from her bed.

It was a brand new day, but it was so cold.

Edward

_Only in this circumstance is it the most perfect moment to be a vampire. The only use for my existence is to torture and suffer some more. Masochistic, yes, but it's the only way of making myself feel better about everything. I need to make myself remember why on earth you are so important to me, my Bella. I have to remind myself that the reason why I love you is not because your scent is so potent to me but because in more ways than one, you saved me from a worthless existence and you helped me see beauty in life because you _are_ my life._

_Will I ever learn to let go and let you be happy? I take it back when I said that I was strong enough for you. I never was._

"At least Bella is doing something more productive than you." Having to actually hear her name being said was physically painful for Edward. He groaned and looked at his favorite sister in disdain. He hated it when she was looking out for Bella but still hung on to every word like it was as essential as breathing.

"Alice, I don't ask you to tell me what Bella is doing. You are so annoying." Edward's voice came out croaky and lost its velvety quality.

"But you know you want me to." Alice skipped to Edward's side and kissed him lightly on the forehead. _I'm watching out for her, Edward. She is safe and doing much better._ Alice thought to him and Edward hugged his little sister as ragged breaths scathed his already burning throat. He needed to hunt.

**September, the leaves are  
Falling gold again  
I remember the way we were**

Bella

_Yes, I'm making some progress, aren't I? I haven't felt my heart hurt me so much in a while. Jake has been good to me but I feel so evil when I think about him. How can he like a girl like me who only likes him back in hopes of erasing memories? Oh god, I can't erase my memories. He is stuck in my mind. I can't forget how happy I was with him! Why am I torturing myself like this? I can't deny myself to him any longer._

_Oh, the pain. The pain! Can't I remember his golden eyes without having my heart hurting? I love him. I love him. This heart, my heart, it beats for only you. _

"Bella? Did you hear what I said?" Jacob's husky voice broke Bella's reverie and she looked back at him with sad eyes.

"I asked if you want to go out and watch some gory movie tonight. You know, like before."

She couldn't put this charade up any longer and they both knew who would be hurt in the long run after all this is over. Like being lifted out of the water, lungs burning for oxygen, Bella looked at Jacob with confluence set in her chocolate brown eyes. In a single moment, Jacob understood everything.

"You still love the bloodsucker." It wasn't a question but Jacob nodded to himself, looking down.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I really am." Bella gently stroked his cheek and nearly pulled back because of the intense heat of his skin. "But hey, I love you too, you know." Bella smiled too brightly in efforts to cheer her best friend up.

Jacob looked up and the smile faded from Bella's lips as she took in the sight of Jacob's torn face. For once, he looked older than she did.

"Not the way you know I love you." He whispered, afraid to hear his own voice break.

Bella said nothing, knowing that there are no words to mend a broken heart. She knew.

Edward

_This wild beast can tear at me all he wants but being the monster that I am, I will kill him. Oh, his blood is so warm but it does nothing for me except that it changes the color of my eyes. I can't take this any longer! I know I'm an exceptional liar but this is insane. I cannot continue lying to myself! I cannot survive without her. Would she learn to accept me? We are made for each other. This whole time I am apart from her, it just makes everything harder for the both of us. We cannot sacrifice all the good times for the bad. A vampire cannot love a human girl but I have to make it work for us. It's two and two together. I need to believe this. This is the truth. I love her. My heart belongs to her. And everything else._

Edward dropped the animal whose blood he was draining and straightened up his body. He looked up, past the leaves, past the branches, and truly saw the sun gleaming down on his body causing millions of diamonds to ripple off his body.

An epiphany could never be as strong as the one that Edward realized at this moment. He looked at his body, examining his hands and fingers, touching his chest and legs and face. He had to make sure that he was real. That _this_ was real; this elated feeling like drinking hot human blood after weeks of parched thirst. No, it was stronger than that; it was a force so strong that it gave him the strength to run. For the first time in months, maybe years, Edward ran as fast as he could—with warmth in his heart.

**It's been too long**

Bella

_This is it, Edward. I'm going to wait for you until you come back to me, whenever that time may be. I'm going to save myself for you alone and each beat of my heart will remind me of why you mean so much to me. It's been long enough, and I've already gone crazy for you. It's been enough to assure me of my love for you. You left me and I know that I have no chance of ever getting you back, but I'm here. I trust you. I'm crazy to talk to myself like this, but I have reason to believe that you will come back for me. My love is reason enough for me. You might not love me back the way I do but god, I really do love you. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter though because I'll be here for you, my Edward. My love._

Sitting on her bed, Bella smiled to herself knowing that there was resolve in her heart however absurd it might have sounded to a normal human. Bella scoffed. _Yeah, a normal human_.

She lied down and pulled the sheets up to her chin. She wondered if she was done with her 'crazy' stage and if people would stop looking at her like she was a ticking bomb after this moment. Despite the fact that her heart and mind was set on Edward, she couldn't help feel guilty for playing on Jacob's emotions like that. She loved him like family but she led him on to believe that there was more to their friendship. But like so many other things, it can't be erased or changed anymore. It is only to be wished that they can.

Edward

_I'm running. I'm running for you, my Bella. I've never ran so fast before but I am, and I'm doing it for you. God, Bella I love you so much. I was a jackass to leave you in the first place. I've had enough of not being close to you. I want to be close to you every single minute of everyday. I am not going to leave you out of my sight ever again. I pray you take me back after all that I've put you through. My pain could not have been as terrible as yours. But I'm coming for you, Bella. I'm going to make it all right._

Objects whizzed by Edward so quickly but he had only one place he had his mind set to. He was invisible to the humans around him; he was moving so fast. He didn't even tell his family that he was returning to Forks because he knew that Alice would see it anyway. They knew better than to stop Edward from what he was doing because if they understood one thing about Edward, it would be that his love for Isabella Swan was more powerful than any love in any century and it was stronger than life itself.

Edward smiled to himself as warm images of Bella spurred in his mind as he ran to her. He was getting closer; he could hear her heart beating for him; he could smell her fragrant scent of strawberries and lavender—and blood. But because he was away from her so long, his body no longer reacted to it the way a monster would. He valued it too much. And so thoughts of killing her for her blood never arose in Edward's mind as her scent was drawing closer, burning his throat but never really propelling him to drink her blood.

At last, after what seemed like years, he rumbled to a stop and a wave of calmness and serenity washed over him as he looked intently at the dark house that stood before him. He locked his eyes on a particular window that provided him a gateway to heaven itself.

He leaped.

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i am so excited about this chapter, really i am! oh how i wish that Bella and Edward were real...please, please, leave a review for me :)


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